I Love you
by Lychenne Laki
Summary: Akatsuki fic, inlcudes much HidanxKakuzu naughtiness.YAOI alert. Not for the squeamish or faint of heart. Includes torture.... Man this story right here turned ME on, and I'm the one that WROTE it. God damn...
1. Drunken Mistakes

"I love you, you love me..."

"we're a happy family..."

Two mournful voices rang through the empty bar as the clock chimed 1am. Two bodies swayed then two empty bottles of sake crashed to the floor. The smashing glass seemed to wake them slightly,

"Stop singin' s fuckin barny song!...dumbass"

"No...you"

"Ha...no you"

The taller man narrowed his eyes at his friend who was giggling madly. "You really can't hold your drink, can you zealot?"

Hidan sat up and glared dazedly, "who say I can' hold da damn drink eh? I'm doin allrigh' passa bottle yeah?"

"I'm taking you home" Kakuzu replied and tried to hoist his drunken friend onto his shoulder. "Come on it's time to go"

Hidan put up a weak fight but he felt **really** sick. He clung limply to his friend's jacket as he was carried out into the night. The coaster from the bar was still in his hand and he prodded Kakuzu with it with every step he took. He wiggled his small feet and hummed the barny theme tune over and over.

"Where we goin? Are we there yet?" he asked in an annoying singsong voice.

"Home. That's where we're going"

"K...Kakuzu? Where is home?" the priests tone had changed considerably and he sounded almost sad. No one but the distant stars saw, but a tear rolled down his cheek and soaked into his partners cloak.

Kakuzu stopped walking, the question seemed to bother him. " I suppose...I suppose the hideout is home" he mused, "but that's not where we are tonight, Hidan. Tonight you have to make do with this crummy hotel 'cos you drank all your savings away."

"Aw shit Kuzu you're nice fella – ow hey!" Kakuzu had just dumped him on the freezing earth outside the hotel.

"Ok how about never use nicknames with me. Got that?" He snapped angrily, "You can walk the rest of the way." He stomped off and soon his noisy footfalls could be heard reverberating all the way up the staircase. Distantly a door slammed. Hidan was left shivering in his thin cloak – topless as always and wishing he'd kept his mouth shut for once.

"Kuuuuzuuu!" he whined "heeeeelllp!!!" he rolled onto his back and lay gazing at the silver stars far above, picking the brightest one and thinking it was his god. After pleading out for help a few more times the sound of heavy footsteps broke the silence once more. The broken door swung outward and a face hung over Hidan's.

"I can't count the money with you wailing about out here like a strangled cat. Can't you even get up?" Kakuzu's deep voice boomed about in Hidan's tortured head and he pulled a face.

"Hey don't be so rude! Pulling faces at me just 'cos I look a little different." He'd taken his mask off and all the stitching in his face plainly showed. He made as if to walk away again and Hidan cried out.

"Don't leave me ku-Kakuzu it's cold out here!" he stretched out his arms like a toddler who wanted to be picked up and hugged. The sight was heart rending, even someone who didn't know he was a criminal who loved to kill people would want to hug him. Kakuzu turned round when he thought the Nickname was coming back to get him again, and was just in time to catch Hidan's puppy dog eyes. With a sigh he scooped the priest up off the dirty floor and carried him bridal style up the creaking wooden stairs. Leader would kill him if another partner died. The room wasn't much, there was no carpet, one curtain and only one double bed. Double bed. Hidan saw it out of the corner of his eye, and as soon as he was dropped onto it he spread out in a star shape.

"No room for you!" he slurred, "No! This is Hidan-only territory"

"Let me in you gay, I rescued you from out there, want me to take you back?" Kakuzu approached the offending bed and Hidan curled into a ball.

"Can't share a bed with you, especially not you. Jashin, why do I have to share a bed with him?" he muttered to himself and faced the wall. The mattress dipped as Kakuzu climbed in and relaxed next to him.

"What are you afraid of?" Kakuzu questioned, and Hidan sniggered into his pillow.

"Come on spill! What's so bad about sharing the same bed?"

The sniggering continued.

"Oy! I'm talking to you, you drunk! Answer me!" Kakuzu raised his voice and poked the other man in the small of the back. Quicker than he thought was possible Hidan had spun around and grabbed his hand. Hidan tried to pull him closer but ended up dragging himself across the bed and into Kakuzu's chest. The sudden warmth of another body exited him and he looked up into the spectral glowing eyes – the only light in the dingy room.

"I'm afraid of nothing!" he hissed, suddenly alarmingly sober.

"Oh yeah is that correct?" Kakuzu growled and with one foot kicked him out of the bed. Hidan rolled out and thumped on the floor.

"Ow you motherfucker what was that for?" he staggered round to the other side of the bed and took hold of Kakuzu's ankles. Leaning back he tried to drag the other man from the bed but with no success. "I hate you, you know that? You make fun of my religion, you spend your whole life sinning and you don't give a fuck!" He let go of Kakuzu's legs and fell against the wall, breathless. "I hate you I hate you I hate you" he cried out suddenly and slammed his fists against the crumbling plaster.

Kakuzu rolled out of the bed and approached him with a faint smile traced between his stitches. When there was less than a metre between them he stood up to his full height and stared mockingly down at Hidan. "I hate you too, no hard feelings?" he extended his hand in a parody of 'making friends'. Hidan grabbed it and dug his nails into the discoloured flesh, he stood up on his toes but still he was no match for the hulk of a man creeping ever closer. He craned his neck and Kakuzu laughed out loud, a deep echoing laugh that was somehow empty and chilling, somehow hungry.

Suddenly his hands were on the priests shoulders, gripping tightly. Hidan's feet were tripping over the floor, splinters were snagging in his skin as his heels dragged uselessly back towards the wall. With tremendous force his delicate back was slammed against the whitewashed board, and his head whipped back. The air flew out from his lungs in a rush through his parted lips, he had no chance to draw a breath for instantly a mouth was pressed to his. Lovingly, desperately, hungrily Kakuzu tasted him like a fine wine. His slippery tongue slid between Hidan's lips and his eyes snapped open in shock. He raised two pale arms and attempted to push the other man off but Kakuzu's height and strength were overpowering him, pushing him relentlessly into the unforgiving wall. His muscles were no match for the other's and his hands flopped to his sides uselessly, snagging on Kakuzu's loose pants on the way down.

Hidan gave a low moan that he didn't realize had escaped him until it was too late. He closed his eyes and waited for it to be over, prayers exploded inside his head – prayers for forgiveness and deliverance. Although, come to think of it homosexuality wasn't against his religion or anything, neither was sex, then again neither was killing. Wait what was he thinking?

It all became inexorably clear, however, when Kakuzu broke the kiss to draw breath. Hidan leaned forwards, desperate for the touch of his lips again, the comfort they brought, and the deep desire stirring within. It had been there all along he felt, just buried by stress and work and the general non-acceptance of this in the world. He stepped into it once more and groaned as Kakuzu raised his hips and began to grind them slowly against his own.

Something snapped inside Hidan's mind and suddenly he knew exactly what he wanted. A new look came into his piercing violet eyes and his hand dipped to his partners leg. A metallic scrape caught Kakuzu's ear and his kunai appeared in Hidan's hand,

"_Do it..."_ Hidan hissed and stared up into the other mans disbelieving face.

"What?" Kakuzu's face was full of confusion, "I though all you wanted was some sex!"

Hidan sighed, and leaned back against the wall. He raised both arms above his head and rested his hands on a bare nail hanging out of the wall, his chest was stretched out in all its beauty and he dropped the kunai from his long pale fingers. Kakuzu caught it expertly and twirled it between his fingers until the point was aimed directly at his partner's body. The moment it touched his skin he could feel the tension building inside him. He wanted to rip and tear, he wanted to cause pain and untold agony, he wanted the blood to run down his hands, his arms, hot and sensual...

Hidan couldn't take the pressure any more, and he began rubbing up against the other male, the friction was building up, the heat was increasing. The point of the kunai was digging deeper into his soft skin and he felt the first droplets of blood roll down his lithe frame. Kakuzu had no idea where this was going. Both were following their own desires now, he had no other intention than to let lose his hate on this frail body. He drew his arm back and Hidan sucked in an apprehensive breath. The metal blade came down at an angle quick as an arrow and buried itself between his ribs. His mouth opened wide in a silent scream and his eyes seemed to glow nearly as bright as the other's. He threw his head back as Kakuzu got into his stride and followed the first stab wound up with a series of shorter slashes to the Jashinist's sides. The blood pooled at their feet and soon the enraptured pair were sliding in it. Desperate for closeness – intimacy.

One wrong foot slipped and Hidan tumbled to the ground still with the guilty knife embedded in his flesh. He hit the ground hard and lay there writhing in agony. Kakuzu followed him down slowly and knelt over him.

He looked at Hidan with a mixture of disgust and fascination, the man lay there in a lake of his own blood, his hands clutching at thin air and his hips slowly rising and falling – trying to make contact with a body that was no longer near him. What did he get out of this? Kakuzu wondered. He'd never come across a whore who liked to feel this way, but then Hidan was a little different to anyone he' d ever met before. He made him feel different than he ever had before. It felt like hurting him in this way was right, it was what he desired more than any other earthly pleasure. Kakuzu leaned over Hidan's bloody chest and placed a hand over the raw wound, the salt of his sweat mixed with the blood and Hidan's hands wound their way into his hair, pulling it, hurting him as well.

"Again..." the silver haired nin whispered, "just one more time..." his voice cracked and he struggled to breath as Kakuzu began work on his body. His back arched as Kakuzu placed one strong hand on his shoulder, he grew tense with anticipation once more. Then a wave of pain hit him and knocked his senses, he couldn't see, he couldn't hear. All he could do was clench his teeth and go with it. The pain seared through his mind – all engulfing until only one thing remained constant – Kakuzu. Through his delirium, Hidan tried to call out to him but every move he made brought another wave of pain. What was happening? Why did it feel so good?

He tried to move again but couldn't, he tried to lift his arms and touch his partners face but he wasn't able. His eyes remained closed against the barrage of agony his world had morphed into, and then the agony itself seemed to morph. With every blow his small body took, the feeling seemed to move further away from the painful and further into the realms of intense pleasure. He cried out and opened his lavender eyes wide.

" Kakuzu-fuck...oh don't... Do that!" Above him Kakuzu's face was bent low over his own – examining his expression with a look of satisfaction. The stitch-mans black hair was cascading down onto Hidan's chest and mingling with the blood that pooled there, his mask and hood were gone and delicate droplets of blood decorated his headband. Both their chests were heaving as they fought for breath, a thin sheen of sweat covered their glistening muscles and both faces were flushed with excitement.

"Hidan..." the single world was hissed out like an insult, and sure enough there was hate residing in the other man's eyes. But that wasn't all. What was that lingering there, lying in his irises, just out of reach, just beyond reason. He shifted to one side and Hidan saw the full extent of the damage that had driven him so far into a utopia. His chest was drowned beneath a widening ocean of crimson, multiple lacerations stung like hell itself all over his limbs. One slash of something sharp had taken off his right arm, and something equally violent had broken his left.

"Kuzu..." his voice hitched, speaking brought more pain. How much more could he take? How much more was for the taking? A vicious blow across his pretty face knocked a tooth out and he gasped for oxygen. Mixed syllables came choking out. "Kuzu..oh..please, don't STOP..oh fuck,"

"NO nicknames! Remember? Not that you have a problem with screaming my name." He grinned

"Fuck no I was NOT screaming your name" Hidan denied it but secretly, in some hidden part of him he knew, he'd been screaming every delicious syllable. He let out another low groan as a new sensation worked its way up his body. The stitching. He'd felt this before on countless missions when his head had been knocked off – what was it with his head anyway? But this time it was different, this time Kakuzu was cleaning up after his own handiwork, this time no one had died. The stitches climbed and sewed every last gaping wound, they intertwined – a precious dance of weaving threads slowly bringing Hidan back human again. The others called them the 'zombie twins' and in reality they were.

"Your love is the only thing i'll live for in this world" Kakuzu breathed into the priests ear. The hot breath tickled his neck and made his hairs stand up on end.

"I love only J-"

"I know." Kakuzu said heavily, "which is why i'll always be waiting"

"You can always have my hate" Hidan growled, "Let me hold you, touch you, feel you always..."


	2. The Fight

The morning dawned cold and a thin covering of frost decorated the once squalid streets below the window. Intricate patterns of ice sparkled from the glass – inside and out. The temperature within the room was well below freezing. Kakuzu sat upon the floor counting out the money they'd need for the day, across from him the dried blood laid all over the concrete tiles. He hadn't bothered to clean it up, it didn't matter anyway they'd be gone before anyone woke up.

Hidan was still entwined in sheets, wrapped up and tangled on the bed. Small drops of blood speckled the white linen and lingered in his silver hair. He was talking softly and Kakuzu stopped counting coins to listen intently.

"...Ku...wait..he-Jashin-sama I wasn't!" Hidan rolled over and a frown creased his handsome face. He fumbled for his rosary and woke with a start when he found it gone.

"You look almost like Kakashi in the morning" said Kakuzu laughing at Hidan's crazy bed hair. "Looking for this?" he held up the rosary and it shone in the feeble morning light.

"Give me that!" Hidan jumped from the bed and made an attempt to grab at the chain but his feet became entangled in the sheets once more and he fell to the ground. Kakuzu looked at the sprawled Jashinist and noted how he had already almost healed from the night before. The black stitching was coming undone leaving only sore marks where it had held him together. As he watched he heard a quiet sob and noticed Hidan was shaking. Slowly he got up and approached.

"Erm...Hidan?" he knelt down by his friend – his lover and pushed back his hair revealing bloodshot eyes and rivers of tears. "Hey – what's wrong?"

Suddenly Hidan rose and crawled close to the other man. Hanging his head he wrapped two pale almost bloodless arms round his shoulders and buried his head in Kakuzu's cloak. The stitch nin sighed and sat back, pulling Hidan into his lap and cradling him like a child. He slowly rocked him and gradually the racking sobs subsided leaving only faint sniffles.

"What was that about?" a confused Kakuzu asked of his partner as he peered into puffy purple eyes.

For a second it looked like a stream of curse words were about to tumble out of Hidan's mouth, but all that escaped was a quiet whimper.

"I feel so weak" he complained

"It's blood loss" Kakuzu explained, "we have to get some food into you before you black out. Come on, we'll get back hom – I mean, back to the hideout." He sat the priest down on the ruined bed and turned his back while Hidan slipped on his trousers and cloak, last of all adding his precious necklace which he didn't believe he'd ever taken off. He rose to stand and immediately his legs buckled, his vision swam and he collapsed to the floor. Except he never hit the ground, two strong arms caught him and lifted him just as the colour drained out of the world, and every sound blurred into muffled noises. Hidan blacked out.

The steady drip drip of rain and the rhythmic crunching of gravel lulled Hidan out of his sleep. Something was digging into his shoulder but nearby he could smell food. He opened his eyes but could see nothing, he was being bounced along by like a sack of potatoes. Gradually the past events of the night before came flying back to him. The hotel, the cold and...and the _pain_. He gasped as he realized what had happened between himself and Kakuzu, what would Kakuzu think of him now? He tried to raise his head but it felt so very heavy, he opened his eyes blearily and squinted out into the rain drenched afternoon. All he could make out was a simple dirt track leading into the distance and over the horizon. It looked a lot like the track they were walking the day before...before the pub...and ...and...the rest.

He looked down and saw Kakuzu was carrying him over his shoulder, that bastard! Couldn't even wait till he'd woken up! But then again the mission was probably more important. Leader would roast their asses if it wasn't done on time. Hidan raised his arms and tried to pummel Kakuzu into submission, the problem was he hardly had the strength to raise his own head let alone beat the stronger man up.

"Hidan, just stay still it's hard enough to carry you as it is!"

"Don't fucking carry me at all then, asshole!" Hidan tried to scream back in a voice full of righteous indignation, but all that came out was a weak croak.

"I'm trying to get us to the next village before we both die of hunger. Do me a favour and shut up!" Kakuzu turned his head and glared into those purple eyes.

"Kakuzu...i'm cold" Hidan whimpered and tweaked playfully at the stitches in Kakuzu's neck. Even though it was only the afternoon the sunlight was beginning to fade out and all the warmth in the world was disappearing into the wind, like the smoke from the far off chimneys.

A rock tumbled onto the road ahead and Kakuzu stopped dead. An ambush? Before the thought had even crossed his partner's mind, three bandits crept onto the road. Black clad and armed to the teeth they posed a considerable threat. Hidan slipped from Kakuzu's back and stood unsteadily on the ground next to him. They took up their favourite fighting stance and prepared for battle. Normally robbers like this would be easy prey, but still it was fun to fight. Their fighting style was unbeatable, they fought in perfect synchronization and their skills matched impeccably. The rain poured down Hidan's cloak and soaked his chest, the wet mud seeped into his shoes but he clung grimly to his scythe and waited for the bastard robbers to approach.

Before they'd got within 15 metres Hidan took one down with his scythe, it was pure luck but the three blades split him open nicely, there would be no blood lost over him. Least not Hidan's. The other two posed a more immediate problem, the rain made visibility almost zero, and the bandits stealth made them difficult to see. Kakuzu stuck by Hidan's side until they were almost upon them, then it all went wrong.

The bandits masks were ripped off, revealing beneath – konoha shenobi. One tall and burly, the other smaller and with a pointed expression. The two akatsuki faced them down for a split second before the real fighting began. Hidan broke off, swirling his scythe around and managing to place a tiny nick on his opponent's skin. The ninja man laughed, thinking he had dodged successfully, but what he didn't know was that Hidan only needed a tiny drop of his blood to finish him for good.

"Let the ritual commence!" screamed Hidan before licking the warm blood from his scythe, his excitement building with every fresh stab wound he inflicted upon himself- and therefore his enemy. Blood flowed openly, but within his precious symbol drawn on the ground, Hidan was all-powerful. The ninja quailed and writhed with the unexpected agony and the bitterness of defeat. He died long before Hidan even thought about using the pike to pierce his heart.

Kakuzu, however was having more difficulty. The butch Konoha ninja turned out to be a woman. Not that Kakuzu had a problem with killing women – he took town the two-tails after all-he just wasn't expecting her to be this agile. She dodged the majority of his attacks and he wasn't half tired. He knew he'd need Hidan's help and it killed him to admit it. While he was musing this, the stupid bitch-ninja aimed a catty fireball at him, it didn't even sting.

"Oy! Hidan!" he called over his stitched shoulder, "come kill a konoichi with me?"

"hell yeah!" came the smaller nin's voice from his right as he wielded his scythe with surprising power. They attacked together and with complete confidence. It wasn't long before Hidan was once again inside his circle stabbing to his hearts content.

"Come on hurry up with that!" Kakuzu complained after 10 long minutes of unnecessary suffering. The woman wasn't nearing death yet, she was a tough one but Kakuzu decided enough was enough.

"Seriously man, when i'm done i'm done, ok?" Hidan sighed as he dropped to the ground to grab his scythe.

Suddenly, when his back was turned the woman leapt from her position amongst the dust on the road and sprang on him. She collided with his neck and knocked him clean out of the symbol, they rolled together across the harsh ground, the pike fell out of Hidan's hand and the bitch started pounding at his head.

"Arrrghhh BITCH! Get her fucking off! Get off me you ho!" Hidan screamed and tried to fend her off.

Kakuzu jumped in and pulled her off his partner, only to have her turn on him. She was nearly as tall as him as well as being equal in size. She spun and began attacking him in close combat.

"Hidan now!" Kakuzu yelled. The silver haired nin picked himself up gingerly from the ground. He'd taken a terrible blow to the back of the head and staggered sideways a few times before he made it to the safety of his circle once more. The rain seemed to drop out of heaven like a hundred knives. He couldn't see anyone else, it was just him and the spear in his hand that would end the fight. He sighed, why did it **always** come to this?

He raised the deadly weapon and laid it against his chest, beneath that spot his heart beat rapidly as if knowing what would come next. With pinpoint accuracy Hidan pushed the metal in, screaming as it burrowed deeper.

Kakuzu knew what Hidan was doing as soon as the woman's grip on him lessened, her eyes grew wide and she looked down at herself. Blood was leaking out of her in rivers, she gave a shudder as her ribs cracked, another as her lungs burst with pressure. She looked despairingly up at the leaking clouds above and a single trickle of blood escaped her mouth. It was done. Kakuzu kicked the corpse in disgust and staggered through the downpour,

"Hidan?" he called out and caught sight of the pale Jashinist lying in a puddle not so far away.

Hidan rolled onto his back and let the pain wash over him. He'd killed that bitch for sure, but at his own expense. There was blood on his back, his chest and on his hands that he used to wipe his unsmiling mouth. A figure approached that he knew to be his partner, unsteadily he rose to his feet, but all too soon found himself going down again. He collided with Kakuzu's strong frame and his head hit the taller mans shoulder. He leaned into him, feeling the others stitched hands wrapping around him – supporting him. The rain continued to turn the track to mire, the blood washed away from both of them and soaked them to the skin.

Sometime later, two bedraggled missing nin entered the next sad and dilapidated village, paid for a single room and disappeared out of the rain. For once, Kakuzu paid for food. The rain never stopped pouring from the onyx skies, it was as if some colossal god was crying for the blood spilt out on the road. It wasn't Jashin, so Hidan didn't care.


	3. Loss and Lightning

Inspired by savage garden – the lover after me

I lay upon the freezing ground, pole embedded in my chest, the blood leaks between my broken ribs and my thoughts wander. At first they don't wander far, just images of my own life rushing past in a frenzy of colours...and then there's you...

"Here I go again" I think. I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today, or tomorrow, or the next day. A perfect frame of you appears before my glistening eyes like a mirage. Your eyes capture me like they always did, those simple blacks and greens forever pulling me in. I try to push your image away but it stays glued to the inside of my eyelids, I haven't been able to forget you and I'm counting the months since you've been gone. Seven. Such an ugly number, but then again it was always you who was better at maths. I sigh and remember.

Everything I see reminds me of you, everywhere I go I remember when we went there together. I picture us together-formidable and intimidating in our matching cloaks, armed to the teeth. Those were the days. I whisper your name, and it's reflected back to me through everything I do, everything I ever will do in this eternity I'm doomed to spend alone. A tear slides from my eye, I tell myself it's from the pain of this ritual but in my heart I know it's not. It's for you, all my tears are for you, you who should have been immortal. You who should be sitting a few metres from me now, complaining and bitching, demanding that we hurry up and catch our next bounty. Forever running. We never stopped to consider what we had right in front of us, until it was wickedly snatched away.

So this is my new freedom? A freedom without love, without purpose. Even my religion loses its credibility now I have no one to annoy with it. Nothing makes sense anymore. I needed you more than I made out. So my nights are colder and lonelier than ever, carrying out missions and rituals in a horrible robotic way, I'm holding on for the day we're re-united, for that day I can stop calling your name.

My purple eyes slowly open onto the seemingly bleak world. I see a grey sky, loveless clouds promising rain. The lights are going on in the next village, just the same as they have always done, but here for me everything has changed. I'm alone! I suck in a deep breath as I realized I had screamed those last two words. Finally admitting my life has become a torturous hell, tormented by desire for one who has moved on. The thing that aches worst is the fact I know I miss you more than a man misses his best friend. I miss you as a man misses his...his...I notice as I stare into the forest that your image still hasn't faded from my delirious eyes. I blink –you're still there. I lift my aching head – you have not faded. I figure I must have slipped into sickness, am I finally dying?

"Jashin, if you can hear me, take me!" I wail and spread my arms wide. Suddenly Kakuzu's voice booms inside my head, it's so loud my eardrums about to pop. He's saying something about gods and zealots – just as he always did, more tears slide from my violet eyes and stain my cheeks. I can almost feel his hands on my neck and back, a gossamer grip I never want to leave me, I squeeze my eyes tight shut against the full force of the grief that's threatening to burst out of me.

The howl of despair is rising in my throat, I'm clutching at the pole that's impaling me desperate to either push it deeper or pull it out, I settle on the latter and as I wrench it out of my chest a fountain of blood follows. It sprays high into the stormy autumn night and I grin grimly as I realize I will _still __not die_. The spear hits the soft earth with a dull thud, and at the same moment I open my eyes and stare up into...green?

"Hidan, shut the fuck up please? You're embarrassing me" whispers a quiet yet deep gravely voice. His voice. The perfect face I imagined all those lonely nights and hopeless days is hanging over mine, seriously his head is barely inches above mine and I try to shrink back into the earth away from the closeness. It's then I realize I'm no longer lying on the ground, I'm in his arms, he's holding me, my broken body in his strong arms. Tears race from my eyes again, but they're tears of happiness and joy rather than despair.

Kakuzu gives me a withering stare and looks over his shoulder to see if anyone's watching, of course there's no one around on this desolate hilltop. Maybe about half a mile away there's a pack of wolves devouring the team of ninja I came to assassinate, but that's it. The weather is too bleak, and the location too remote to attract anyone except me...and him. The sickly yellow light shines across his scarred skin and throws the stitches into sharp relief. I find his face more beautiful than I could ever describe, more beautiful than any of the sunsets and snow capped mountains that Jashin has graced this world with. And I can never tell him.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I've been tailing that stupid idiot for months now, after all this time he still hasn't completed the mission we set out to do. And I haven't been able to catch up to him either. The fight with the kyuubi left me weak – yet not dead. I had enough strength left to rescue Hidan from that hole they put him in, but that left me with nothing. I was closer to death than I'd ever been before. Hidan went ahead, thinking me gone and I'd been trying to catch up ever since.

I'd missed him more than I missed anything, more than the money I'd had to spend along the way, more than the bounty hunting I had to forfeit. Chasing that silver haired head halfway across the world, and for what? Secretly I knew. It pained me to admit it, but life just wasn't the same without him around. I thought I would be glad to be rid of his constant bitching, but I missed that too. Why didn't I just go back to base and wait for him there?

My mind wandered around a bit before it came to the answer, this wasn't just like some mathematical equation for working out profits, this was in-depth thinking. Serious thinking. Why was I thinking god-damnit! Chasing after that god damned priest who left me for dead. I smiled faintly then hated myself for it. Hated myself for trecking all this way, now I'd have to admit this to myself. I liked that bastard, I'd had him on my mind this whole time. His deep purple eyes, forever hiding something... wait! I heard his voice on the breeze, I'd recognise it anywhere the word over.

Up a hill, I followed the sound of his voice calling out prayers through the forest and suddenly he was laying in my arms. Fragile and bloody as always, crying into my cloak like a kid. I cradled him silently, waiting for him to calm the fuck down. The humid temperature promised a storm about to break, you could practically feel the pressure bearing down.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The rain that the clouds had been threatening all day finally came slicing out of the sky like knives. It fell mercilessly and washed away all the blood covering Hidan's bare chest, pale pink skin was revealed underneath, and a rapidly healing wound. The rain had only been falling for a few minutes and already it had soaked through Kakuzu's cloak. Yet he didn't feel cold.

"Listen to wind in the trees" Hidan whispered, and pointed to the darkened forest. The storm was on the brink of breaking and the rain itself was warm. The sky had taken on a strange colour – a sort of yellowish brown and the sight of it reflecting back from his eyes unnerved Kakuzu. A strange shiver ran from his head all through his body as he gazed deep into Hidan's eyes for the first time. He knew now why he had followed him all this way, It had something to do with friendship, but then again it was totally new. Hidan shifted his weight and lay down on the springy grass, the rain fell full in his face and from this position his silver hair mingled with the green foliage. Kakuzu knelt beside him, in awe of his beauty. The strange stormy weather seemed to highlight his best features and dim the stark glare of blood.

Thunder rolled and boomed around the distant hills and Kakuzu counted the seconds between them, the storm was approaching. The air took on a static charge and Hidan tensed, feeling the hairs on his arms stand on end. Kakuzu watched him carefully, he knelt beside the priest and watched his chest rise and fall, watched his skin knitting back together. He watched Hidan twitch and sigh with the pain of it, his eyes were shut, and Kakuzu couldn't resist any longer...

On the spur of the moment, fuelled by bare, red passion, he slipped his mask off and leaned down over the smaller mans pale bloodless lips. He closed his eyes and so never noticed Hidan's fly open in surprise and amusement. Kakuzu's cold lips brushed lightly against Hidan's and the stitching in his cheek dragged over Hidan's perfect skin. His hands pushed into the wet earth, supporting him and his nails dug into the floor with anticipation. He expected the priest to push him off any second now, maybe swear and curse but nothing came.

Kakuzu's oddly coloured tongue slid gracefully over Hidan's lips, first the top then the bottom inviting him to part them ever so slightly, which he did without hesitation. The rain came down faster now, pummelling Kakuzu's back as he knelt over, but he didn't care. What was this? Did Hidan feel the same way, or was he just leading him on to reject him later?

Thunder resounded closer and if on instinct he lowered his head further. He didn't mean to deepen the kiss, but suddenly Hidan's hands were on the back of his neck pulling him close...so close. The rain was turning the grassy clearing to mud, and when Kakuzu leant in closer his knees slipped out from under him. Both of them were covered in mud, but the kiss remained unbroken. The grip on the back of his neck remained constant, so Kakuzu switched positions with one knee either side of his partner's bare chest. Little light remained in the tortured skies to see by. Confident that Hidan could not make out the extent of the stitching on his chest, Kakuzu removed his cloak and let it slip into the swamp the grass had become.

Hidan placed his two thin hands on the other mans strong chest and pushed him away slowly. He enjoyed tracing the lines of stitching with his eyes when Kakuzu couldn't see, now he could do the same but with his hands. He barely noticed he was being straddled. The alarming sight of Kakuzu's hulking figure outlined against the storm would have struck fear into many hearts, yet not his. He stared up and Kakuzu stared down contemplating what they had just done, and what would follow? A blot of lightning seared down out of the bulging clouds and struck the earth with terrible force, a vibration shuddered through the ground and seemed to energize the couple tangled in the mud.

With renewed passion Kakuzu fell on Hidan again, relentlessly grinding against him. Hidan put his elbows behind him and threw his head back as Kakuzu rubbed against his groin. His breath came in short sharp gasps, it had been so long since he'd felt this way – he felt nothing for love and felt no sexual desires...until now. Right now his mind was overcome with waves of confusion, did it matter that Kakuzu was another man? It didn't matter to Jashin, so he guessed it didn't matter at all.

Kakuzu's cold hands slid over his collar, desperate to get the cloak off, Hidan resisted but only slightly, only for show. His cloak was thrown over his shoulder and Kakuzu reached for his rosary –attempting to take that off as well. This time he put real force in pushing the taller man away, no one touched the rosary, and he never took it off.

He glared in defiance and Kakuzu shrugged his shoulders. He liked the feel of the cold metal as he pressed himself fully against Hidan, who clenched his teeth and moaned at the weight that fell on him from above. Kakuzu had a way to make his body burn uncontrollably. Their mouths clashed together again, Kakuzu's tongue invading before Hidan could gain the upper hand, his eyes were glazed over with lust now as the tongue -which felt more like another tentacle –explored his mouth.

Electric urges surged through Kakuzu's body as he devoured Hidan's mouth, he grew hot and suddenly his pants seemed unusually tight. His hands cupped the silver haired man's beautiful face as he lifted his weight off his chest. Hidan brought his own hands forwards and after picking playfully at the stitching on his friend's scarred skin for a minute, he placed his hands on top of Kakuzu's, then moved them gently around to his throat. Placing them neatly across his neck he looked up into those green eyes, pleading with his own purple gaze which was somehow distant.

"What?"

"Just do it, Kuzu..." whispered Hidan lightly and unsteadily. Desire was making words difficult to form and he knew it. He lay back, but at that moment the firm hands were removed. Before Hidan could sit up and start swearing they were replaced by thick black tentacles. The snakelike fibres wrapped tightly around his windpipe and rendered him breathless. His lungs were screaming out for oxygen but that only added to the pressure of the moment

He arched his back and his nails dug into the loose earth,

"Whatever...floats...you're...boat" he choked out and his eyes shone with sated lust,

"Keeps my _hands_ free for other things..." sniggered Kakuzu and his hands dropped to the buckle on Hidan's trousers.

"Kuzu no!" rasped the priest but the tentacles tightened once more and he collapsed panting and choking out his torment. Or maybe it was pleasure. Kakuzu didn't know or care – he was enjoying himself.

His hands tugged on the waistband of the offending pants and hurriedly ripped them off. Taking a peek at the bulge beneath, Kakuzu guessed it was pleasure rather than suffering that was crossing Hidan's face now in waves. What a strange man he thought.

"F fuck!" Hidan hissed when his pants were roughly removed and he was bared to the chilly night, with his hands free, Kakuzu was able to satisfy both his demands and Hidan's. He began pumping the holy man in a way that was totally indecent. Heat was everywhere, in them, in the storm, in the sky, in his head. Excitement was taking over, his face grew flushed as he remembered all those days he'd fantasized about doing just this – minus the strangulation that was just Hidan's weirdness – and now it was all real.

Hidan was panting so he relaxed the tentacles a little, letting him grab a breath and noticing the purple bruising that had erupted all round his neck. He made the lithe muscly fibres gently caress the injuries but was surprised when Hidan slapped them away.

"Lay it on me, pussy!" he cried and arched his back inviting Kakuzu to do something else strange and sadistic to him, it seemed Hidan found pain pleasurable but as he had said earlier – each to his own. He knew Kakuzu would now do anything to make him groan again, he raised a hand to flick him off and it was roughly pushed down into the mud. The taller mans hands clamped firmly over Hidan's wrists – pinning his arms out to both sides and leaving his bare throbbing member unattended.

When their faces were mere centimetres apart, Hidan sighed and his faint liquorice scented breath washed over Kakuzu, driving him into a frenzy. He knew Hidan ate the liquorice to get rid of the taste of blood, and thinking about blood made him exited. He went in for another deep kiss, but no sooner had his tongue begun to explore, sharp teeth bit down and it was bitten ruthlessly, both their mouths filled with the crimson substance. The tangy coppery taste made him moan out loud, this was the way they both liked it and before he knew it Hidan had raised his hips and begun to grind again.

The kissing, the blood, the atmosphere all were building up to Kakuzu's own climax, he glanced around the moonlit hilltop feeling self conscious. His pondering was cut short however with an impatient yell from below him,

"I said come _on_, pussy!" Hidan whined, desperate for more attention after all those stagnant years of waiting. His arms were still being held down and he struggled with all his strength, "Kuzu!!" he yelled.

Ignoring the screaming whore struggling under his strong hands, Kakuzu stared at the pale moon, hanging like an orb in the velvety blackness. He didn't know what to do next. It was ok for Hidan to roll like a pig naked in the mud, but he wasn't about to do the same. He looked at those desperate amethyst eyes again and his pants twitched, something would have to be done...soon.

Hidan's pleas had faded to simple murmurings now as the desire overcame his mind. Kakuzu lowered his head and whispered into the Jashinist's ear. A moment passed when there was not a sound to be heard. Not a creature moved, even the breeze stopped blowing, the thunder died and the lightning dimmed.

"Allright" Hidan agreed slowly and with mischief in his eyes. He picked himself up from the filthy mud and knelt opposite the other man who was already undoing his pants.

"No, let me" he whispered in an uncharacteristic seductive drawl, crawling closer with dirty bangs falling over his eyes. Kakuzu's legs seemed to part of their own accord and Hidan foggily wondered if the mans cock too was stitched. His shaking hands rapidly undid the short zip and fumbled with the expensive fabric before gaining access to the prize within. If he expected neat rows of sewing he was disappointed, with a sharp tug all was removed and Kakuzu gave a hiss as the buckle brushed down his member.

Hidan's eyes widened suddenly upon seeing what lay within, and he looked down at himself with uncharacteristic self consciousness. Compared to Kakuzu, Hidan looked...tiny, and that was saying something. Deidara had commented jealously on Hidan's gear often enough in the showers back at the base. No wonder Kakuzu preferred to shower alone, he'd certainly have stolen Konan off Leader if she caught sight of...

"Hidan. Stop staring already" Kakuzu growled tiredly and met his eyes. Hidan gulped nervously, then focussed at the task at hand. Gradually he moved his hands in a stoking motion up and down the feverishly warm flesh, earning an uneven sign. He realized he was going to enjoy this. Leaning in closer he could hear the erratic beating of 5 hearts, god, Kakuzu was such fun to be with! He never broke the gaze he held with those greeny black eyes, but all the while pumped the stitch mans shaft for all he was worth, thankfully wielding that heavy scythe had given him a strong arm, but after a while two-hand-touch got boring.

"Hidan you're teasing, get on with it!"

"Get on with it what?" breathed Hidan, as his lips brushed the other's ever so lightly, "Whats the special word Kuzu kun?"

Silence. Then in the faintest whisper Hidan had ever heard,

"please...?"

He smirked and dutifully lowered his platinum haired head. The first kiss was the hardest, he'd never done anything so intimate before, but once he'd started he couldn't seem to stop. Every new way he licked or swirled his tongue on the hardened length produced a different reaction from the other man. He tried to take it inside his mouth but it didn't really fit all that well, instead he ran his hand over the arousal while using the other to clasp at his hips. Kakuzu was overtaken by a feeling he'd imagined but hadn't felt for too long, and the best part was – it was coming from a person he truly cared about. Not some cold insensitive whore only after the contents of his wallet. He threw his head back and let out a low groan. It started as a rumble in his throat, slowly making its way up until it burst out into the stormy air.

Hidan heard and his breathing became irregular, his long pale fingers wrapped securely around his partners erection. It semed so wrong, this closeness, this intimacy. But it seemed right at the same time – on so many levels. Kakuzu squeezed his eyes shut and let out a shuddering sigh as he met his climax, white seed splattering the sodden ground.

As soon as it was done he roughly pushed Hidan away and covered himself, not wishing to be exposed any longer than was necessary. If the priest wanted to look again, there would probably be other times...wait what was that he was thinking! Stiffly standing, Kakuzu gave an intimidating glare down to his friend –his lover- sprawled in the mud below.

"Now it's your turn..."


	4. Divine Punishment

"It's your turn" came the rough reply from above, and Hidan let a shudder run through him. He took a deep breath to clear his head and focus on what he _really_ wanted. He rubbed his neck where the thick tentacles had suffocated him and he grinned slowly, he glanced slyly up with a roguish glint in his eyes. What did he really want? Oh he knew deep down, but how could he ever tell Kakuzu without feeling ashamed?

He never got the chance to answer that question, however. Before he had time to blink in surprise, he'd been lifted off his knees and forced backwards. The air was knocked out of his lungs and he was slammed into a large boulder at speed. Deep gouge marks were left in the earth where his feet had been dragged and his back was slung against the rock. Blood leaked from the back of his beautiful head and he went limp, surrendering. His feet weren't touching the floor, but he wouldn't have moved even if he wanted to. Kakuzu approached.

A fork of intense lightning split the sky and reflected off something in his hand. Exitement exploded inside Hidan's stomach, an aching feeling of lust, a promise of fulfilment. Kakuzu carried a deadly version of the common kunai normally used by Konoha ninja, except his had serrated edges. As he approached, he raised his arm slightly, twirling the weapon in a fascinating display of skill. Impatience welled up inside Hidan's stomach and he whimpered with longing, he didn't need to explain what he wanted – Kakuzu already knew...somehow.

The taller man stood over him with something akin to desire in his eyes. What else lingered there? A faint hint of disgust, maybe bewilderment. Why couldn't this guy have normal fantasies like the rest? Secretly Kakuzu was glad that Hidan was a little different, he'd enjoyed the last time even more than he'd let on. He trailed a hand down the bare chest in front of him, his hands were cold and made the other man shiver nervously. In his right hand the knife glittered with menace and he drew it lightly over Hidan's shoulder as he moved into position. The boulder acted almost as an operating table, except that every time Hidan moved the rough edges caught him, nicking and cutting his small back and adding yet more to his bliss.

With a hungry growl he reached up, impatient for it to begin. His hands hardly left his sides before they were pinned sharply down by thick black cords.

"Kuzu! Stop tormenting me..." he gasped, the air wouldn't come, it just wouldn't. His lungs heaved and he gulped for air before realizing it was Kakuzu's hands this time gripping his neck. The thumbnails dug into the soft tissue around his windpipe, he felt delicate cartilage within get crushed mercilessly. His eyes rolled back into his head as reason gave way to the thrill.

Kakuzu had no restraints and leant over the priests gasping mouth to lay one last kiss on his lips, their tongues fought for dominance for one last time and an unusually high pitched whine burst out of Hidan's lips.

"...NOW...have to...gah"

"Enough with the fuss. Ready?" Kakuzu said in a low voice, hiding his own mounting excitement.

Hidan nodded reverently, his eyes were shining now. The knife glinted with malice in the darkness as Kakuzu raised his arm, it flew out of the sky with a rushing sound and the next thing Hidan knew stars exploded in his head. He could feel warm blood rushing over his sides, Kakuzu's hands were fumbling in it. He opened his eyes and bared his teeth.

"Still...my...turn" he gasped, barely conscious and fell back when the knife swept back for a second shot. It hit him square in the side and before he could let loose the breath he was holding, Kakuzu dragged it downwards turning a simple stab into a vicious wound.

Hidan exhaled, careful not to let his name escape his lips. He closed his eyes and let his mind wander again, onwards and up through his pain. Wait scratch that, this wasn't just pain this was fucking _agony_His face was screwed up and his emotions were easily readable – sated lust and utter torture. Kakuzu viewed him with interest, he leaned down and whispered only two words into his lover's ear,

"what next?"

"Ku...zu..." came the muffled reply, and his eyes rolled – bloodshot and wide. He was trying to raise his arms to point at something and Kakuzu followed his partners gaze. Somewhere out in the mud was something Hidan wanted, his eyes showed desperation and raw desire. Luminous green eyes scanned the damp ground, back and forth for a whole minute until he saw what Hidan craved, he sighed, he should have known. There between two rocks was Hidan's weapon of choice – no, not the scythe- this was the short sharp stake he used during rituals. His eyesight must be good for him to have seen it from here, this made Kakuzu wonder just what else had the priest seen when he thought he couldn't see?

He was distracted from the train of thought, however when Hidan started to thrash about in front of him.

"Get on with it damnit! Don't make me...wait!!" He was gasping for breath through his rage, and the screaming was hurting his throat – but hell! He had to make his needs known!

Kakuzu glared at him in disgust and walked slowly away to find the detestable implement, Hidan was sure he was taking his time on purpose but he was held down securely and Kakuzu probably couldn't hear him from over there. He was giving himself a headache.

It seemed like forever when his partner returned, carrying the pike like it was something infectious. By now Hidan's eyes were glassy and wide, the ultimate ecstasy standing only a few inches away. His heart raced and his cheeks were red. His nails scrabbled at the stone. Even with his eyes closed Kakuzu could sense his arousal – it was coming off him in fucking _wave__s. _The need to annihilate overcame any other emotions, his body felt like it was humming – building up to this one pristine moment. They shook and they waited, listening to the pulse of the world, holding on and captivated by the perfect calm. They were in the eye of the storm.

Lightning struck nearby, sending shockwaves and static through the charged air, thunder followed immediately afterwards. The cacophony of noise and light threatened to push the pair right over the edge.

"Kakuzu NOW!" Hidan bellowed in his delirium and his nails tore at his own skin, pleading for release.

Kakuzu waited just a second more, until he was sure the whole world was holding its breath. He raised the deadly spiked weapon in both his hands, balancing it and letting the light shimmer down its glimmering sides. He angled it down, Hidan's chest heaved and an insane smile played over his contorted features. Then the spear began its journey down, savage and crueller than anything in the universe. Murderous intent flickered across the older mans face when he put every last ounce of strength he had into the ruthless act.

Purple eyes flew open and a terrible scream burst out of Hidan's mouth. A split second later the lethal blade was pushing through him. His skin was tearing, ribs were breaking and blood was flowing as quickly as the rain. Kakuzu forced it deeper and the howling intensified. Hidan's teeth clenched and he groaned, deep and low.

Sadistic will took over and Kakuzu twisted the metal between his hands. Just as he'd hoped it rendered Hidan senseless and only unintelligible syllables escaped his tortured lips. He squeezed his eyes shut and he cried out loud,

"Jash...in...ahh – kuz-no!" His afflicted masochistic ramblings earned a grin from his lover, who took great pleasure in forcing the evil weapon the rest of the way. He put his weight into it and the blood flowed faster, it spurted up and hit him in the eye. The hot liquid rolled down his face like crimson tears. He shook them free – he didn't want to miss even one precious second of his partner's divine excruciation.

The Jashinist writhed on cold stone lost in a world of unbearable suffering. Disturbed in his mind from the ongoing abuse he pleaded for more. Anything, just don't let it end. Half a second later, cold metal met his heart.

"That's...that's...agh...-spot!!" he choked out and blood ran over his lips which Kakuzu greedily licked off.

"This won't hurt a bit" he promised and twisted the metal rod an agonizing 360 degrees. If Hidan wasn't in heaven before, he was surely now. Visions whispered before his eyes, faint eyeless faces created by his lamentable hurt. Racking sobs burned out of his throat and he raised his hips. In recognition of yet another demand, Kakuzu climbed over him, straddling and beginning to grind sensually close.

"Kakuzu!" his head was thrown back as waves of pleasure vibrated through him. He gasped at the sudden heat, and heard a faint growl above him.

"Hidan...that's enough" Kakuzu murmured like an angry parent as Hidan arched his back and indicted he wanted throttling _again_

Kakuzu slid off. "If you deserve any more, I'm sure your god will see to it. I'm out" he confessed and flopped down on the springy moss to watch Hidan writhe with yet unspent lust. He twitched on the stone and Kakuzu could see his lips moving in a silent prayer. Damn that bastard he WAS trying for more. He watched and waited with interest. The thunder boomed and reverberated and the rain was easing up. A static charge began to build. He felt it first on the hairs on his neck, then his stitches pulled tight, his hair was beginning to slightly curl as the atmospheric electricity grew.

Kakuzu felt scared, he wondered if he should untie his friend – with that metal pole sticking right out of him he was a little prone to-

"Mother FUCK!" Kakuzu leapt to his feet as he watched the brightest bolt of pure power he'd ever seen come striking out of the night. It was pure white, not the stupid yellow lightning you see in books, if he'd been a religious man he would have called it divine white. It came down with the heat and fury of a demon and stuck Hidan's ritual pike as it would have done a lightning rod.

The priest shook with torment and satisfaction, the power surged through him like lightning but he was sure this was something else. Lightning burns, this did not. It hurt like a bitch, but brought a haunting smile to his bloodstained face, his eyes rolled back into his head as the pleasure continued beyond the realms of human conception. He knew where this pleasure was coming from, his god had sent it and that added yet more to the heart stopping sensation.

The lightning pulsed through him, racing around his bloodstream and sparking his nerves in a way he never dreamed possible. Jashin-sama worked in mysterious ways but even the most solemn prayers were forced out of his mind by the sheer power of the perfect pain. His back was fixed in a permanent curve and his mouth was open wide in an everlasting scream. The hot white light poured into his small body, producing groans interspersed with laboured screams.

Kakuzu sat back in awe, watching the liquid terror soar from the heavens. Buzzing faintly like a pylon, but carrying with it the mystery of his diabolical religion. Kakuzu was a little afraid. He risked the rain and backed away from the spectacle before him. From a safe distance he waited.

It could have lasted 5 minutes, it could have lasted an hour, neither of them knew. One minute the unknown agony was forcing Hidan into a twisted ecstasy, the next it was gone, silently into the thinning clouds. The rain stopped, the thunder rolled weakly in the far distance and peace returned. Kakuzu opened one eye carefully and checked he hadn't inadvertently been smitten by Hidan's god on the way past. He squinted further to the stone slab he'd shared with him earlier and saw a thin figure sprawled over it, barely clinging to life.

He slipped and slid all the way over to it and his heart raced at the sight before him. Hidan had been to utopia and back in a night, not bad for an immortal. Kakuzu felt a small pang of disappointment that he couldn't be the one to do that for him. He stared glumly down at the half closed unfocussed purple eyes and bloodstained chest. The skin was coming apart – it would need stitches and maybe that would wake the bastard up. Kakuzu set to work as the sun came up slowly in the east. His thoughts were sad, he'd fallen at the last hurdle...couldn't satisfy his little uke.

Black threads weaved and flew in an intricate design over his lovers pale skin just as they had before. Dried blood flaked off and Hidan's breathing came in irregular gasps. Was he conscious? His eyelids flickered as Kakuzu tied up the last threads and surveyed his work proudly.

"Ku...zu?" he rasped weakly, his voice like the scratching of dried autumn leaves

"I did this all for you, you know Hidan?" Kakuzu bent his head over the immortals and placed a delicate kiss on his forehead. Heat was still emanating from him as if he had a fever. Hidan's eyes rolled around in his head and he trembled weakly, his hands plucked listlessly at his stitches and goosebumps erupted along his limbs.

"You're sick. I need to get you indoors" he thought to himself and gently lifted Hidan up bridal style. Sometimes it was fun to play nurse.

"You owe me one" he muttered into the feverish priest's ears and lifted him lightly from the unforgiving bloodstained stone. "I expect payback you know"

"My...pleas..ure" Hidan choked and fell limp-unconcious at last


	5. The Forbidden Room

They were back at base, they had been for around a week now. Nobody knew of the pair's separation and that fateful night upon the hilltop. No one was likely to ever find out, well maybe Zetsu...he was always popping up in unexpected places. Hidan rolled over in bed and sighed when he saw the time – it was 10am and Kakuzu would surely be long gone by now. Somewhere in the base there was a commotion,

"Tobi you gay!"

"Oy Tobi-kun, where's my cloak?"

"Tobi didn't- OW"

"Sasori, that was uncalled for un"

Hidan sighed again and tried to sleep, his dreams were muddled and he hadn't had much sleep since...He spread his arms wide and glared at the ceiling- remembering what he and Kakuzu had shared. His hand brushed against something and he glanced to his side.

"Hidan? You up already?" a husky voice coming from the other side of his bed murmured, accompanied by the clinking of coins.

"Agh! You're in my bed?" said Hidan, dumbfounded as he gathered the sheets about him.

"Sure" replied his partner, "you didn't seem to be sleeping great...thought you could use some company...or something..."

He was surprised Kakuzu had stuck around – he always had a bounty or two to be chasing. But then again, Hidan knew what that 'something' was. It was on his mind too. Every waking hour and every disturbed wink of sleep. Kakuzu was taking up his every thought and trying to deny what he felt for him was taking up all his energy. Yet if he gave in, what would that make him? Would that make him...gay? He murmured quiet thanks and sat up letting the covers fall uselessly to his lap. The cold air made him shiver and goose bumps erupted over his bare arms. From the lack of light he guessed it was sometime before dawn, the only light was a faint glimmer on the horizon.

The only love he'd ever known was a faint glimmer in Kakuzu's eyes.

He'd guessed the stitch – man was only using him, but he'd fall for it anytime. Being used by him was fine, as long as it happened again and again. He would always be there, always willing, each time he would always be a bit more demanding.

He looked over at his friend, and his face was suddenly inches from his own. He knew no matter how long they spent together he could never get enough, never enough of those eyes, those strong hands, those intricate lines. The hands were on his hips, pulling, pulling him closer. The eyes were burning into his own with mounting lust.

"Kuzu..." Hidan let the word rush out of his lips in a low whisper. The sheets crumpled in his clenched fist and he moved just a little closer to the body next to him. Kakuzu was more than a head taller than him, and was still wearing his cloak – even in bed. He sat up taller, trying to reach that mask and rip it off with his teeth. He was aching for a kiss from him, and let out a frustrated groan. His cheeks turned faintly pink from effort and slight embarrassment. Was it wrong to lust after a man in this way? He laid back panting and trying to calm the urges that rippled through him.

Kakuzu turned to face him casually looking down on the pink faced ninja lying beside him, trying to convince himself he wasn't gay.

"It's alright, Hidan" he said quietly, and gently knelt over him. Hidan knew what was coming and he gracefully arched his back, pressing into Kakuzu's strong chest and turning him on almost instantly. Kakuzu braced his arms against the bed and his 5 hearts beat out a fast rhythm, he dipped his head planting a light kiss on the priest's forehead. Hidan wrapped his arm around the stitched one at the side of his head and a grimace crossed his face as his pants were roughly undone. Cold fingers traced his hip bones, his abdomen before finding their way down...

Hidan gasped as his testicles were suddenly gripped with force. One coarse hand began to massage his pulsing member, and his breathing quickened. He tried to throw his head back but the bedclothes were in the way. Kakuzu was gripping so hard it hurt and his eyes never left Hidan's. His arms were almost pinned above his head and he could do nothing to defend himself which made the situation all the more intense.

A slight uncertainty glimmered in his violet eyes however when the hand moved away from his groin and towards...

"Kuzu? What are you doing?"

"Hmm...just a little something I learned off Sasori..."

"Hey..what! NO allright! That's not...ahhh" his protests subsided when a single finger found his entrance. He clung desperately to the back of his lovers cloak as the finger was thrust painfully in and out. He let out another low groan and wrapped his bare legs around the body above him. His eyes rolled back into his head then he bared his teeth.

"It gets easier..." Kakuzu muttered but he knew that Hidan didn't care. Pain turned him on – this was just what he wanted. He decided to skip the rest and pulled the single digit out. It was time to move right to third base,

"Ready?" he asked

"Hit me you pussy!" screamed the blatant whore thrashing about on the filthy sheets, and Kakuzu thrust in for the first time. Hidan screamed again, whether in pleasure or pain he wasn't sure. The feeling was paramount, and Hidan (the virgin) was blown away by the profound struggle between pleasure and agony.

It didn't last long, however, and Kakuzu pulled jerkily out to stand silently at the bottom of the bed. Hidan lay on his back panting. The missing waterfall nin stood in the shadows, his chest was rising and falling quickly and the sheen of sweat highlighted his dark stitches. Two violet eyes sprang open and squinted into the darkness, the pupils roved around – taking in every last detail of the other man. His thick black hair had fallen around his shoulders and his eyes shone with a fierce glow, Hidan felt himself growing hard once more as he traced those stitches with his beady eyes, imagining pulling every one loose.

"What are you thinking?" a low voice growled. The silver haired nin's eyes darted to the door and back again. A whole new idea sprang to mind and he wondered if his lover had thought of it yet.

Kakuzu twitched visibly and Hidan's heart raced. He HAD realized. Admitting defeat to those sirens eyes he obliged by opening the door, it stuck and he tugged harder, his stitches straining and exiting the priest further. Hidan had many weird fetishes.

As soon as the heavy oak door creaked open he was out of the room and pounding down the corridor. In his haste he forgot any clothing except his akatsuki robe. His bare feet slapped on the cold stone stairs as he headed further down into the rocky depths of the hideout.

Suddenly a figure was in front of him blocking the way. He screeched to a stop, panting from his sprint from the bedroom. The figure didn't budge.

**"Pants?"** it said.

"No!" sang Hidan, standing proudly with his cloak wide open.

"_We think you and Kakuzu have a ...thing_" it continued

**"No, we don't care about that. We want to know why you're going down...there."**

Hidan paled as he realized he'd run into Zetsu, alone, while it was still dark. He took on a shy pose and crept closer to Zetsu, trying to dodge around his branches. The plant man sidestepped and blocked him again.

"Get the FUCK out of my way house plant!" he wailed, "you have no idea how urgent this is!"

Zetsu looked down, grimaced at Hidan's blatant nakedness and allowed him to pass.

_"Don't leave a mess..."_ his pale side commented and the darker side sniggered. Hidan was already running again, desperate to get there before his lover who had almost certainly taken a different route through the other tunnels. He practically threw himself down the last flight of slimy green stairs and onto the slippery corrugated metal flooring of the very lowest room in the lair. He braced himself against the curving low walls and ceiling and ran his hands over the thick barred door that faced him.

"Please, please be open!" he prayed but his hands turned the handle and a firm click resounded through the gloom. It was locked. He sighed heavily and slumped to the ground.

"Who would have thought I'd find you here?" a deep voice came from behind and a few thin tendrils wrapped themselves around his waist, lightly squeezing the breath from him.

"Kuzu...the lock...I..."

"No problem" replied the stitch man inserting a tiny thread inside the lock and springing the heavy door wide open. Cold air rushed out, carrying the scent of mould and damp. A haunting dripping noise came from within but apart from that all was silent. The two immortals turned to peer into the formidable room. Hidan had been _dying_ to get in here ever since they'd moved base.

"The torture room." Kakuzu breathed, "you sick fuck..."

"You hope" muttered the priest, struggling to get free. He was trying to break out of the bonds that held him tightly, and managed to get to his knees before his lover caught him.

"Not so fast!" Kakuzu warned and lifted him gracefully to his feet. No sooner had his toes touched the ground he leaned forcefully into the other man, slamming their mouths together. Kakuzu took the upper hand and pushed Hidan backwards into the evil clutches of the interrogation hall slamming the door behind him.

Both were too busy focussing on each other, they never noticed where they were walking. Their bodies were so close, so entwined, they moved as one. Kakuzu's booted feet tripped once over a broken tile, and Hidan's bare ankles scraped the edge of the pool as they fell, together, into the water.

The platinum haired nin gave a slight moan as his head was forced underwater. Kakuzu, on the other hand, totally freaked out when he looked around him. They were standing in the dunking pool – used for cruel interrogation. Above them hung a chair adorned with chains where victims would be strapped in, screaming and helpless – rigid with terror. They would be plunged over and over again into the freezing waters until they gave up whatever information Akatsuki needed. After that they would be killed...always.

A chill passed over his scarred skin, it seemed as if the water surrounding him was swimming with the souls of the damned.

"Hidan you bastard! Why did you bring us here?" his voice rang out and echoed off the unmentionable implements hanging just out of sight. The one he was yelling at burst up out of the water, spluttering and blinking. He sensed Kakuzu's fear and returned his glare.

"You wouldn't want to be anywhere else...I know you, Kuzu"

In his heart - correction - _hearts,_ he knew Hidan was right. He would enjoy testing this shit out. Swiftly he moved through the water, approaching his partner and slipping out of his sodden cloak. The fabric floated for a second before sinking to the depths, just like the many lives that had passed through this pool. He spread his hands over Hidan's shoulders and as usual the priest swept them around to his warm throat. Kakuzu groaned when he felt the rapid pulse and warm blood rushing through veins just beneath his grip. His eyelids grew heavy and his half lidded eyes became clouded with lust. Hidan's painted fingernails dug into his hips and tugged impatiently at his stitches. His mouth opened slightly allowing his tongue to protrude just enough to lick Kakuzu's lips and drive him into a frenzy.

He began to grip, weakly at first then with increasing violence. Hidan's hands balled into fists and he screwed his face up. An exited shiver ran through him and he bucked his hips unknowingly into his partners. Kakuzu felt the hardening lump in the other mans pants and leaned in for another deep and sensual kiss. He couldn't hold back any longer and his sharp teeth found Hidan's soft lips, biting vengefully he drew blood, but not enough to satisfy either of them.

His ache for pain was insatiable,

Within minutes Hidan's ankles were shackled and he was being pulled from the icy pool by his hair. Kakuzu dragged him, dripping and yelping, across the broken floor. His ruined robe was ripped into tatters, leaving him bedraggled and pitiful. The stitch man threw him down in a heap and stood over him.

"Which?" he asked, Hidan looked confused for a split second before he realized what his lover was asking... _which device would you like to use first? _A wide grin split his face and he scanned the hall.

Everything caught his eye, an old fashioned block with wheels at both ends. He could imagine being stretched out on that thing, on his left was a bed of nails, with more spikes glinting evilly above, a black metal chain hung ominously from the roof and a whole wall was devoted to shackles and chains. To Kakuzu's right was a collection of the most brutal weapons he'd ever seen in his life. Spines, spikes and knives shone with a light of their own, or maybe it was just that look in his eye.

"You're choice..." he left the options open and closed his eyes in anticipation as he was hoisted up. His arms were stretched up uncomfortably to either side and his feet were left almost dangling. His back was against a wall of daggers which pressed enticingly into his faintly muscled back.

Kakuzu drew level with him, whispering sweet nothings into his open mouth as he locked his hands into rusty handcuffs, which in turn were bound to the wall. Hidan's breath came in short sharp gasps, interspersed with moans of frustration. His torn cloak was getting in the way and he wished it would just _happen already!_

Kakuzu backed off and flourished a weapon. It had lots of sharp edges. In an instant he was close, his left hand caressing Hidan's hair for a second then his right hand wielding the blade. He gripped it tightly and pushed it in through one side and out through the other.

Hidan screamed loud enough to wake the dead and his blood splattered to the damp floor. Kakuzu gripped his lover's shoulders and forced his back against the rows of nails, forcing them deep into Hidan's skin. The malevolent needles pushed further into his muscles, he convusled and twitched as they tore at the red tissue. The fallen priest pulled uselesly at the shackles that held him to the wall and red marks formed along his sore wrists. Kakuzu stood back and admired his work. His lover was half hanging from the metal rungs in the dirty bricks, his bare feet were smeared with his blood and he was shaking visibly.

Slowly he raised his head, a pained expression on his face. His amethyst eyes seemed brighter than ever, or maybe it was the contrast between them and his bloodless body. He gave a shudder and a sweet groan that sent waves of pleasure through Kakuzu. That was the point at which a normal man would have died. Hidan pouted and wrenched at the chains that bound him.

"Ssss" he hissed through his bared teeth, and glared into the darkness

"I'll stop anytime you want..." growled his lover, "you only have to say"

He took a step and placed one stitched hand on the jagged weapon protruding from Hidan's side. A trembling breath, a fluttering of 5 hearts and he gripped it tightly.

The Jashinist tilted his head back and sighed deeply, kakuzu's cold hand clamped his shoulder...bracing.

"anytime..." he whispered into his ear, and gently nibbled on the soft earlobe. When no reply but a lengthy hiss came he glanced down, and pulled.

A gruesome howl burst forth from Hidan's parted lips, his eyes were wide and staring. Within them obvious bliss pulsed garishly. Blood trickled down from the corners of his mouth and he choked up more. Kakuzu took advantage of his handicap and pressed his mouth seamlessly against the others. Tongues flicked in a complicated dance. Blood transfered from one to the other and the severe torture weapon was dropped to the floor. Hidan pulled harder at the cuffs that held him, he was desperate to lay his hands on Kakuzu...all over him..._inside_ him. He whined again and bucked his hips.

The other responded by moving his iron grip lower, beyond Hidan's exposed neck, over his strong shoulders, down his perfectly formed abs and into the wound. Hidan's hands balled into fists with the pain

"Kuzu..I - fuck you! ah-"

"I'll take it you like it" Kakuzu breathed and his painted nails would their way further into the warm, bloody hole, tearing slightly as he twirled them in the thick crimson pulsing past his hands.The cold chains rattled ominously as a shudder passed through Hidan's bloody frame. He hung almost limp from the wall, sweat and tears decorating his handsome face. His eyes appeared dull now that his rampant lust had been satisfied. Well, nearly..

"Ku...zu? M-more!" he stuttered. His teeth were chattering with chills and exitement. His eyes were low, on the floor and he was rubbing his back up and down...on nails. Kakuzu sucked in a deep breath to try and calm the throbbing desire threatening to take over, silver hair and pink eyes was all he could see.

Hidan yelped with the searing hurt eminating from his back. His fingernails were digging into his palms so hard that blood was dripping from them too. Kakuzu whipped his hand out and shook it free, then began undoing the shackles.

"Lets change the beat..." he mused and Hidan fell into his waiting arms, exhausted but still not satisfied. His body was alive, as humming and feverish with pain as Kakuzu was overwhelmed with bloodlust. For a long minute the two stood in silence, one supporting the other as he fought for breath and conciousness. Hidan's chest heaved and his breath hitched when kakuzu pulled him closer. His blood seeped into his own ruined robe which was ripped unceremoniously from his shoulders and thrown to the floor behind them. Hidan follwed it with his eyes and something glinting on the floor caught his interest.

"K - kuzu look" he swung a limp arm and nodded towards the far end of the chamber. Could it be, maybe...?

Kakuzu followed the outstretched hand and squinted across the reddening tiles. A dormant flame flared in the pit of his stomach the second he caught sight of it. Hidan certainly had style...

(to be continued...)


	6. Exposure

It was made of wood.

It was evil looking and had wheels all over it. Next to it was a shelf of dusty metal things which were twisted and bent from age and use. Kakuzu stared at it in awe and horror as he held the other mans body in his strong hands. It seemed to leer out of the darkness at the two of them, as if daring them to use it, to feel its power running through them. Hidan gave a shudder, his excitement was building just by looking at it. It radiated fear and death, he could sense terror around it like a giant black aurora. As he turned away to face Kakuzu again, it appeared to grow larger, creep closer...or maybe it was just a trick of the light.

"Let's move"

Hidan stumbled over and into the darkness, the light from the moon didn't penetrate this far into the chamber, or maybe it was the sheer evilness of the Rack pushing the light away. He ran his hands over the smooth pale wood and cold wheels, just itching for Kakuzu to be in control again.

"Do you even know how to use this?" he whispered to the stitch man, spreading his hands wide over the thing and licking his lips.

"Sure how hard can it be? You go there, I stand here and..." he grinned, "you know the rest"

Hidan matched his grin and tried to climb bodily onto the wooden monstrosity. He was aching for it again, even though his back was still dripping blood and flesh. His lust was insatiable, and he knew it.

"Hidan. You do it like this" Kakuzu glared from the other side and sent forth ropes which coiled around the shorter mans limbs. Hidan struggled, wishing to do it himself rather than be forever carried about.

"Stop struggling! Honestly do I have to _hold you down_?" Kakuzu complained as Hidan tore at the ropes that bound him. His heart throbbed almost painfully as the intonation of that last sentence hit him. _Hold him down...?_

"Kuzu...I...!" he could feel the urges rising in his chest, in his throat. A scream was building as his mutilated back rubbed against splinters in the old wood, sending shivers of twisted pleasure through his blood. His ankles and wrists were tied in the loops of rough pale ropes by his skilled partner, and he eyed the lever to the right of him. When Kakuzu wrenched on that, the wheels would turn and the ropes would pull tight, leaving him stretched out in the centre in agony and completely defenceless. The very idea made blood rush in his ears and a feverish heat pulsed from his skin.

The rough scratching in his ankles stopped. It was about to happen, Kakuzu's eyes bore down into his and he saw something flicker there, murderous intent. He was drawn to those eyes like a moth to a flame, and he was taken into them as the torture began.

Kakuzu grunted in effort as he convinced the old rusty wheels to turn, thinking it would be much quicker to just stick a knife in the bastard. This was all Hidan's idea! The cogs and chains squeaked into life again and gradually the ropes holding the Jashin worshipper tightened. It occurred to Hidan as he lay there that his joints may be pulled out of their sockets, creating a whole new type of pain he hadn't even touched on before. His eyelids fluttered – battling consciousness, but the growing hurt was waking him as if from a deep sleep. His skin on his chest felt as though it was on fire, and the position he was in was opening up the wounds deliciously. He was sure he felt warm blood slipping down his sides, and threw his silver haired head back in bliss. In fact it was Kakuzu, driven nearly over the edge by the fucking _uke__ – __ness_ of his partner, licking slowly around the edges of the stab wound. The slippery muscle found its way through the blood and torn flesh, pushing further in twisting sensually...

"Ku-kakuzu...no!" Hidan was rambling with his pink eyes closed and his arms stretched over his head. His skin was pale but tormented with scratches and stab wounds. The pain was releasing adrenalin into his system and he must have been getting off on that because he carried on crying out to his god first, and then to his lover. Kakuzu could take it no more, he parted his bloody lips and took the broken strips of flesh into his mouth, tearing and biting slightly. His purple fingernails gripped and clamped on the lever that would force the ropes tighter still.

Another terrible anguished moan burst from Hidan's dry lips. His arms and legs were stretched as far as possible by now, something had to give. His eyes were once more shining with tears, of joy or sorrow no one could ever tell. Kakuzu raised his head, blood circled his mouth and dripped from his chin and his hands roamed Hidan's exposed chest. He knew what he wanted, but he would prolong this moment for as long as he could. Prolong the hurt and put off the moment when they would both, surely, have to give in to the delectable punishment. He trailed crimson droplets down the milky white skin which was infuriatingly, rapably soft, and yearned to wrench that metal bar around. He ached for the cracking of bones and Hidan's yells of brutal agony. He could hear it already, it was happening already. Hidan's eyes were widening in shock and his teeth were bared, offering himself up. The ropes were creaking and the bones were snapping. Hidan was screaming and blood was flowing thick and dark.

Kakuzu let go. The ropes finally stopped pulling and he climbed atop the shaken priest, one knee either side soaking up his blood. Their eyes met, the green gaze mad and crazed with lust, the purple eyes containing nothing but contentment and thrill. Kakuzu's hands dragged across the other mans face and across his arm. Two dislocated shoulders, a broken wrist... his hands slid further down, earning an impatient moan from above. The two stab wounds were healing rapidly, but on the way past he was sure to dig his nails in just enough for Hidan to feel it, and know he wasn't finished yet. Further inspection confirmed that though his crown jewels were indeed fine, Hidan had two matching dislocated knees and a fractured ankle, which Kakuzu punched with menace.

"Ka...kuzu? ah.., you can...stop-now" he whispered. His chest was heaving and his cheeks were flushed with red. His skin was hot to the touch but something remained hidden within that smile.

"I know what you want, Hidan" he growled and narrowed his eyes, "do you want this?" he extended two thick tentacles which wrapped lightly around Hidan's delicate neck

"god yes!" he choked

"do you want this?" Kakuzu asked, lowering his right hand inside Hidan's pants

"fuck ...yes!!" he gasped,

"but do you really want..._this_" Kakuzu cut the ropes holding the other mans broken legs and raised them, bending Hidan's knees over his own shoulders.

"OhgodohJashin noplease no! YES!" he blurted in confusion, the pleasures and the pains mixing together until once again he wasn't sure whether he was coming or...dying. Kakuzu grabbed his ankles and forced them wide apart, leaving Hidan's back door wide open.

"Ready?"

"No!"

"Great!" he bellowed and thrust his hips forwards with the speed of a bullet train, and all the tenderness of jack the ripper. Due to his size and Hidan's tightness, there wasn't much pleasure to be had at first. Just pain, blood, and a rhythm. But who needed anything other than that? Though concentrating mostly at fulfilling his own needs, he spared a moment to focus chakra on the cords that Hidan enjoyed so much around that throat of his. Squeezing the air out of him – at least he would be quiet... The rhythm continued, time after time Kakuzu hit that tiny pocket of nerves deep within, sending shockwaves of raw pleasure through his lover and himself. He felt himself drawling close to the edge again, and just as he was about to peak...

The door crashed open. In came Pein, Kisame, Zetsu and Tobi, dragging a prisoner between the four of them. They stopped dead. Kakuzu halted his relentless pounding and the tentacles relaxed. Free to use his voice again, Hidan let out a heart stopping shriek that broke the silence, then fell to panting and whining softly.

"Kakuzu-san?" Tobi whispered

"Blood..." said Zetsu

"What the fuck have you done in here?" said Pein in a dangerously low whisper. Kisame just sniggered.


	7. Trouble for all

Pein's voice was a dangerous whisper, barely audible. To the others near him it seemed like a good time to get away – his rage was uncontrollable. Tobi dropped the prisoner's arms and began to scoot back towards the earthy passage, fear was shining in his eye behind the mask.

"You will _stay put!_" Pein hissed without tearing his eyes away from the guilty immortals and their position on his torture equipment. Zetsu scanned the damage, the blood on the floor and walls, the discarded and ruined clothing.

"**We told them not to make a mess**" he said to himself and Pein's head whipped around. He shot daggers at the plant man,

"You _knew_ they were in here all along?" he growled, "have I NO respect in this fucking organisation?" He threw the box down that he was carrying and glittering silver kunai spilled out over the broken tiles. Kakuzu licked his lips and grinned.

"You –you be in my office in 10 minutes!" Pein stuttered in fury and pointed at the steel bared door.

There was silence as Kakuzu slipped of the table and cut the ropes that bound Hidan's arms. He was shaking with laughter and tears of mirth gleamed in both of their eyes. With his arm over his partners shoulder they trudged out of the chamber, careful not to meet anyone's' eyes on the way past. Kisame turned to watch Hidan's naked butt disappear down the corridor and listen to their footsteps fading, he waited for Pein's outburst but none came. Instead there was a snigger.

"Tobi doesn't know why Kakuzu was torturing Hidan!" the idiot piped up, "Hidan is nice to Tobi! Hidan is a good boy too!"

Zetsu sighed and took the younger nin aside to explain in detail exactly why they found the two immortals taking liberties inside this forbidden room. Tobi's face was hidden but from the choking noises he was making, one could guess what expressions he was pulling.

"He does WHAT?!" the little ninja screeched and Kisame winced. He was probably guilty of much of the same thing, alone with Itachi...with this week's playboy aquarium magazine... A smile lit up his pale blue face and eyes. Pein stared.

"Ok enough, you jokers can sort this bastard out" he aimed a kick at the prisoner, whose Konoha headband slipped over his eyes, "I'm going to...have a little chat, yes...just a chat with those disrespectful...grr" His voice became inaudible again and his anger boiled just beneath the surface. He sloped off, orange hair waving wildly and his cloak flapped menacingly in the doorway. Kakuzu and Hidan were in trouble.

"Hidan, idiot you're supposed to sit this side of the desk!" Kakuzu complained mildly but was still watching his partner in amusement. The priest was lounging on Leader's chair dripping blood all over the place. His legs were spread wide and if the desk wasn't there Kakuzu would be getting an eyeful.

"Whatcha reckon he's gonna do, Kuzu?" though there was no trace of fear or trepidation in the immortals eyes he gave a fake shudder anyway.

"No idea. He's not a patch on me anyway" Kakuzu winked and put his hands behind his head, smiling broadly. His hood and mask had been left behind but he didn't give a toss. Everyone had seen him half naked now.

Footsteps signalled the approach of Pein. The door handle jerked and the door swung inwards and smacked the wall. Plaster fell down in clumps and landed in his spiked hair but he didn't even notice. The duo met his eyes, he looked slightly mad.

"Dude i'm seriously sorry about your torture room and that" began Hidan, but Pein barely noticed. He ran a tired hand through his hair and sat on the desk facing them. It looked like it cost him a lot to say this. He fixed them with his dizzy yellow eyes,

"I-" he began but Kakuzu interrupted

"Hey, I'm sorry we went and used the room without asking. But you never used it anyway..." he gave a quizzical stare and fell silent.

"Yeah and and If it's about the sex, Itachi and Kisame always-"

"Guys, ugh. This isn't about _that__"_ Pein sighed and tried to look anywhere but their eyes.

Two baleful stares met his, and he snapped.

"Ok...it's about Konan..." he muttered and turned away. Hidan looked as if he was about to laugh, Kakuzu just looked questioning.

"What has this got to do with us?" he began, but his brain did the maths and he figured a certain date was coming up very soon. A date that all women remember.

"Valentines day" they said with horror.

Hidan got up and started waving his hands saying it had nothing to do with him.

"Heathens festival" he spat and tried to get away but Pein stood by the door and refused to budge.

"What am I going to do guys? I mean I don't know who else to ask and..."

"Oh...You know, do the whole roses thing. Chicks dig that!" exclaimed Hidan getting swiftly into the swing of things, "yeah and you should do up her room with candles and fill her bed with teddies and all that shit"

Pein looked at him in despair, "I don't think that's her bag really..." his voice trailed off.

So as the prisoner was tortured and then killed a few floors beneath their feet, the Leader, the Priest and Kakuzu sat discussing Valentines plans until the break of dawn. Neither of them had any real idea what to do, but a plan was formed. A plan to end all valentines days, but who ever said Akatsuki had any conception of love.


End file.
